my sleep schedule. and being so indecisive. and not figuring out which job I want to pursue. and being hungry all the time. and gaining weight. and now trying to lose weight. and being sickly pale. just fuggggg it.
I can’t even remember the last time I got on this thing, which is weird because I was obsessed with it. Now after reading all of it, there are definitely some things on here I didn’t want to remember. But here’s to a new beginning. I’m ready to put the past behind me and move forward…but it’s not going to be easy. Here goes nothing.
You will never find anyone like me. Someone who loves you for you, not your money. Someone who bends over backwards for you, who will do whatever they can to make sure you are always happy. Someone who truly cares for you like I do. Someone who loves you, even after all of your mistakes and everything you put me through. Someone who wants to stay awake, even when it feels like they have nothing left, just to spend time with you. Someone who is as understanding and loving as me. You won’t find that anywhere. Not anyone like me. And you keep pushing my buttons to see how far you can take things. You think you have me wrapped around your finger. Well guess what? Jokes on you. I have loved you more than I have ever loved anyone. I have put up with more than I promised myself I ever would. And I won’t do it anymore. I refuse. I hope you’re prepared for what’s coming your way. The best part? You have no idea what you’re in for.
But what hurts the most is knowing that you could look me in the eye and tell me you love me, that you’re in love with me, that you could never be without me, that you were so happy with me, that you could pretty much live with me, be intimate with me,…you could do all of that, knowing that you were lying to me the whole time. That is absolutely sick. I could never do that to someone. Ever.
I wish my dad was still here. I’m so tired of seeing my mom lonely, especially around this time of year. And I wish I knew him. I hate to say it, and as bad as it sounds, but I tend to get a little jealous of friends who are really close to their dads…I just wonder how things would be if he was still here. If we would be close. If I would be where I am now. If I would have the same friends, car, or do the same things I do today. Everyday I wonder if I make him proud…
